Thursday, July 23, 2015

CraZy LoVe

Love.
Its such a simple word. One that gets thrown around. Cheapened. 
It gets overused, untill it becomes... meaningless.

There are many forms of love.
The love a parent has for their child.
The love felt between friends.
The love from our Heavenly Father.

And the love between husband and wife.
Lovers. Love how God intended between 2 people.
A love so pure and all encompassiing. 
Love that you are so secure in.
800 miles cannot dull that love.

I am amazed at the power of that love.
After almost 20 years, my love for him
still drives me crazy.  

How is it that 2 crazy teenagers were able
to beat the odds? 
20 years. 5 kids. 1 grandchild. countless jobs.
days and weeks spent apart. the times we came together.
those times we fell apart. yet we seem to always find our way back
to each other. I can only give God the glory. only thru HIS grace
have we made this work. 
Its a crazy beautiful thing, this love I have for my handsome man. 

wait for it. wait for that person. that one person. the one who 
gives you goosebumps and butterflies. that one person that you cannot imagine
your life without.  don`t fall into this worlds easy love mentality.  hold out. 
wait. look for the one who will show you how crazy in love you can be.

...... crAzY iN LoVe......
sometimes thats how you make me feel...
you know, that....
CaN`t gEt eNoUgh
I wAnt tO cRaWl oUt oF mY SkIn
BiTe yOu
HoLd You
sQueeZe yOu
lOOk iNto YouR EyeS
KiSS yoU TiLL I cAn`T bReaTHe
FaLL asLeeP to yOur HeartBeat
Can.T FinD ThE WordS to DescRibe iT...

......CraZy LoVe......

Monday, June 29, 2015

A Heart Check

It has been forever since I have sat down and been able to write out what has been going on in my life, because, you see, then I would have had to examine my heart and my life.


                                               "The time of a rebellious heart."
That is what the title of this post should be. That pretty much sums up the last 2 years of my life. Rebelling against my Father. and the Holy Spirit. Its been a constant warring in my heart and yes, it has showed up in my life. Thru my marriage and my Brat Pack.


Lets rewind shall we?


The cousin that was diagnosed with cancer in my last post has since gone on to glory. That was a struggle for our entire family. Mouth struggled the most. I raged against my Heavenly Father.


Church has been a sore spot in my life. We had become increasingly frustrated with the church we were going to. The church I had grown up in. I was battling with God more and more in every aspect of my life. We changed churches, it didn't and still hasn't filled that spot in my life that has always been such a pinnacle part of who I am.


I decided I wanted to experience everything that I had never been able to. Drinking. Staying out all night. Gambling. My mouth became a sewer. Words that made me cringe came pouring out more and more. I became desensitized to the hard person I was becoming.
I would go days without looking in a mirror. I guess I didn't like who I saw staring back at me anymore. The people I had been surrounding myself with had become been a drain on me. I have turned into this person who hasn't been speaking out her beliefs. I have wanted to be liked and accepted into this circle of people, and in doing so, I have become this person I don't even like.


The things going on in our country this past week have hit me hard. When my children try to live out their faith on social media and are blasted by MY so-called friends, it makes me sit up and look at who I have surrounded myself with. Who I have let into my children's lives.


Sometimes we need a wakeup call. I guess you could say this has been mine. Time to get my heart and life back in check. To surround myself with those that I can encourage and minister to.  Time to find someone who can be an encouragement to me, someone who will encourage me to strengthen my relationship with my Lord and Savior, someone who will encourage me to be a woman after God's own heart once again.


Here's an update on my Pack in the last 2 years...


Beans graduated high school, moved out, had her own time of rebelling, joined the army, came home, and is now preparing to be the best single mom she can possibly be (no, she did not get pregnant during basic training). Yup. That is one of the very visual ways I see my own rebellion manifesting itself in one of my children. I often look back and question, if I hadn't gone thru my own season of rebelling, if my oldest daughter wouldn't be preparing herself for her biggest (and can be her most rewarding) challenge yet?


Blue Eyes has graduated high school.  She and Beans have found a home to rent. They moved in this last weekend. It will be a challenging time for both of them. With the added stress of a newborn in the home, and multiple jobs each. Praying they cling to their heavenly father as they figure out this thing called adulthood.


Mouth is a 16 year old girl with the body and maturity of one much older. That alone has its challenges. When 28 year olds ask my little girl out, this momma sees red. Trying to get her to understand that not everyone is her friend, and that guys typically only want one thing makes me want to hit my head against the wall. Repeatedly. Saddens me to ruin this girls positive outlook on humanity.


Little Brother isn't so little anymore. He tries so hard to protect his sisters from the slime of the world. Once again, its hard to see your child lose the positive outlook on humanity...


Baby Sister is at the age of wanting to be liked and accepted at all costs. Kids are mean. And we have had to address heartbreaking situations in both of our young girls' lives.


Handsome Hubby is back on the road working as a site superintendent. Which means weeks without seeing each other, weeks without getting that much needed support from each other, weeks without the kids being able to connect with him face to face. I have always been able to say I have had only one love in my life, and thru the grace of God, I can still say it. Even thru my rebelliousness, God stuck with me and I stayed true to the love of my life :)
 (On a positive note - we will be going to him next week, and spending a whole week together as a family :) We are all looking forward to it.)




I was chatting on FB this morning with a woman I have yet to meet.  I have see her living her faith on social media, this woman who isn't perfect, doesn't have perfect kids, she was a huge encouragement to me. She probably doesn't even realize how much she has helped and encouraged me when I was questioning the path our country is taking and the sin sick world that we will be welcoming our first grandchild into.


Her parting remark to me was, "So rise out of your slump, be filled with the Holy Spirit! We are not of this world!"


yup. I am not of this world. I may be living here. But I will no longer be a part of it.


Its a funny thing. How our lives go thru seasons. And I for one, am happy to put this season of darkness behind me and step back into the SONSHINE.


Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

Monday, June 24, 2013

The Tears, oh my goodness. The Tears...

Last week a few of my Pack came home laughing hysterically, Mouth was dripping wet, wearing her clothes, and Little Brother was a few hooks richer...

lets start from the beginning...

Beans and Mouth were on their way home, and they see Little Brother trying to get one of his fishing hooks out of a "tree".

 (it was really an over grown bush, but whatever.)

So Mouth decides to help him out and climb the bush to get the hook for Little Brother.

It seriously is just an overgrown bush, not really any limbs to speak of to climb. 

So she's shimmying up this branch and she's almost to the hook, when she hears it...

-crack!- 

"I CAN GET IT!! I CAN GET IT BEFORE IT BREAKS!!!! " She yells as she tries to hurry up. The branch that her leg is on breaks off and she loses her balance so she is now DANGLING from the branch.

"I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna DIE!!!!" she is chanting to herself as she keeps moving towards the hook, she now realizes there are THREE hooks that she can retrieve for Little Brother (I guess no one else has ever been gutsy enough to retrieve hooks from this tree, bush, whatever it is...),

now, Beans is laughing hysterically from the shore, like, tears dripping down her legs. hysterical.

Mouth is still kinda sorta dangling above the water but she has thrown all 3 hooks to Little Brother, so she figures its a win. then

CRACK!!!!

and down she goes into the river!!! 

she comes up dripping wet and laughing so hard she can barely stand up straight :)

Fast forward to them walking into the house, Mouth is dripping wet, Little Brother is the proud owner of found hooks and one retrieved hook, and they are all 3 laughing so hard they can barely get the story out. 

Its moments like these I want to remember forever.

It seems we are always so busy around here lately. going 7 different directions at once. 7 different schedules to juggle. And I love every single bit of it  :)

Monday, May 13, 2013

Manic Monday

well lets see, I'm another year older since my last post. we have celebrated 3 birthdays. and the snow has FINALLY melted and it seems to be that summer may have arrived. HH is finally working, in fact he is gone for the next week. which I am totally ok with.

 so here we go with my manic Monday post..

* 6 months of winter is hard on a person. especially someone who is a summer girl. NOT a winter cold and snow kind of girl :)

* school has been done for a few weeks already. and the Pack is getting on my nerves.

* Blue Eyes now has a job. working with Beans :)

* which means Mouth and Baby Sister are now taking over all the babysitting duties

*Little Brother will be working with HH all summer. and I am VERY happy about that!

* His voice is changing and he is FINALLY growing!!! he informed me, " well mom, you didn't have to buy me clothes for 3 years because I didn't grow! " I'm thinking he just might make up for it this summer :/

* Mouth went in for an MRI last week... so many left over issues from last year and her hospital stay. MRI came back normal. but scheduled an apt with a neurologist for next week. We shall see what we will be doing with her this summer :/

* I have been thinking more and more of when the Pack will be out of the house and I am actually looking forward to it... horrible mom moment? maybe.

* addicted to a tv show on Netflix... FRINGE. being addicted to a tv show is pretty much unheard of for me. I NEVER watch tv!!!

* looking forward to a busy sunny warm summer season!

* Friday night pizza nights are coming to an end for the season. on to campfires and hotdog Friday nights ;)

* my cousin was diagnosed with cancer last week. it has been a horrible week for me. I always joke with HH, "well I know how I'm going to die. Cancer!" cancer runs rampant thru my family... 3 grandparents have had it. 2 died from it. cousins. 2nd cousins. great aunts and uncles... yup. that's how I'm going to die. but to hear that my cousin (and my FAVORITE cousin. the one who rescued me from closets. the one who included me, even when all the others were being mean to me.), to hear that he was in for the battle of his life, was heartbreaking for me and so many of my family.

* many sleepless nights. prayerful nights. it seems like that's all I do.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Sweet 16


Dennis rushed downstairs, where mom, dad, Lynn, Alan and baby Cody were waiting for news on the new baby. "Pray!" is all he said and he rushed back upstairs. Upstairs the midwife was trying to get the little baby girl to take her first breaths and the nameless little girl was not cooperating. Whenever her mommy would talk to her her heart beat would even out and she would pink up. As soon as her mommy quit talking her heart rate would drop and she would quit breathing. "whats her name??" the midwife pressed us. Alexis was named at that moment.  

Grandma sat and prayed and rocked our little Angel Baby all night long. The Dr was comfortable with Lexi staying home as long as someone sat up with her all night, Grandma volunteered for first shift, which ended up being the whole night, she was not going to give her up for anything in the world. She rarely cried, she quietly would take everything in. Her big blue eyes would look around the room as she lay snuggled in her grandma's arms.

Now 16 years later I look back and I am so thankful and blessed that God gave her to us. That He trusted us with this sweet, quiet, loving girl. Our only blue eyed child. Our beautiful little girl has grown into this amazingly sweet and caring beautiful young lady. She smooths out the rough edges in our home and completes us.

Happy Sweet 16 Alexis Victoria  :)  we sure do love you Angel Baby!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

30 on Thursday!.....hmmmm...

 I struggle with "10 on Tuesday", and I here I am, declaring "30 on Thursday!"
Lets see...
 
*1. New Orleans makes me nervous.
it smells. and its dirty.
there is water everywhere. and not the nice,
"I wanna go swimming and lay out in the sun and play in the sand"
type of water.
No. It's more of the,
"There are crocs. and bugs and snakes. and I will die if I go in that water!"
type of water.
no thank you.
 
*2. I love Nashville.
LOVE. IT.
the 
"I could live there
and work there
and sleep there.
and walk around music row all day
and night
and day" 
kind of love.
*sigh*
 
*3. I went to my very first concert.
 it was Luke Bryan.
I was 5 feet from the stage.
it was A.MAZ.ING.
it was free.
A.MAZ.ING.
 
*4. I love our new church.
I love the ppl.
they are my kind of ppl.
REAL ppl.
 
*5. I hate "1 step forward, 2 steps back"
kind of days
 
~case in point~
 
*6. I cleaned the kitchen.
did the dishes.
 
* fed the baby.
 
*7. made dinner for the Brat Pack and Company
 
*8. did the dishes again
 
*9.. stocked the wood stove.
 
*10. rocked the baby to sleep
and chatted with Auntie :)
(laid sleeping baby down)
 
*11.  cleaned my bedroom
vacuumed
dusted
cleaned the closet.
 
*12.checked the wood stove.
 
*13.  vacuumed the schoolroom/addition
dusted
organized
 
*14.  walked into the kitchen
cleaned it.
again.
did the dishes.
again.
 
*15. stocked the wood stove
 
*16. folded laundry
put it away
 
*17. checked for eggs
 
*18. cleaned the coop
 
*19. brought Remi out
 
*20. did another load of laundry
put it away
 
*21. cleaned out the fridge
 
*22. did the dishes.
AGAIN.
(I do not have a dishwasher. just an FYI)
 
*23. checked for eggs.
again
(the red still hasn't laid today)
 
oh.
 
*24. we did school thru-out this entire time.
 
*25. now its time for me to get supper ready.
so I can do dishes.
again.
 
and I seriously think I could vacuum
the entire house again since
you can't tell I already did it once today.
:P
 
see what I mean?
1 step forward.
2 steps back.
ugh.
 
*26. Blue Eyes received her blue card!!!
one step closer to driving!
 
*27. one the kids' good friends
made the decision to accept Christ
as their Lord and Savior!
 
*28. HH led him to the Lord. :)
A.MAZ.ING.
 
*29. I don't like having pets.
too much hair.
(have I mentioned this before?)
 
*30. its really weird collecting eggs,
 bringing them in the house,
and immediately cracking them to eat.
its gives me the heebie jeebies.
 
Just sayin'.
 
so there you have it.
"30 on Thursday"
 
hope your day was as productive as mine ;)
lol

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

cold? what is cold?

its supposed to get cold this weekend.
I don't like cold.
I'm more of a sunshine and sand and OCEAN type of girl
I miss the ocean
the smell of it
the taste of the salty air
the sand that gets EVERYWHERE
 
mmmm....
really really want to fly away right now
and go to the ocean
 
its been one of those,
"am I crabby? or not crabby?"
kind of weeks
and its hump day
so I'm hoping that is all behind me
 
our anniversary is coming up
17 yrs???
weird.
I'm way too young to be celebrating my 17th wedding anniversary
 
I took pics of the Brat Pack this week
it was...
interesting
I only got one. yes ONE.
pic of all of them together.
I need to take some more I think
 
its supposed to get cold this weekend.
oops.
already mentioned that didnt I.
its on my mind.
a lot
anywho
HH put a sign on the radio this morning,
"Get the yard cleaned up, and stuff put away.
Its gonna get cold this weekend"
cuz I needed a reminder.
 
I keep telling everyone,
"Its only for the weekend.
then its gonna warm up again."
come'on people!!!
its only October!
 
I have high hopes.
cuz I'm more of a sunshine and sand and OCEAN type of girl.
 
well I will leave you with the ONE pic I got of the Pack...