Friday, February 25, 2011

A Friday List

1~ Sunshine is my happy drug :) and guess what?? THE SUN IS SHINING!! you know what that means right?? yep! Shanan is a VERY happy momma this morning.

2~ its still morning, a lot can happen.

3~ Was talking to HH last night, told him how I am really regretting not having more babies.

4~ I really really want more babies.

5~it would cost about $5000 to reverse the tubal I had done after Baby Sister was born :'(

6~ I have resigned myself to the fact that I won't ever have the joy of being pregnant again :'(

7~ it makes me sad. very sad.

8~ then HH reminded me that he is very much looking forward to the time when its just US. We have never had just us. I had Beans 2 months after we said 'I do'.

9~ he also told me that he does have those times when he wishes we could have more babies.

10~ then he thinks about the soon to be time when it will be US and he is happy with our life.

11~ I am looking forward to being just us too. and I will still be young! 39 and an empty nester??? still young enough to have LOTS of FUN ;)

12~ I am getting 2 more girls for the weekend :) Little Brother is not excited. at all.

13~ HH is working this weekend again. remember what happens when HH works weekends? and I am at home with the Pack? and nothing exciting happens. and the weekend feels just like any other week day? yes? no? yes?

14~ I pout. just in case you forgot, I figured I should remind you. ;)

15~ I figured this weekend would be a good time to organize my freezers and figure out what we all have in them.

16~ doesn't that just sound SO EXCITING!?!?! yeah, its not.

17~ hey! guess what?!?! THE SUN IS SHINING!! its my happy drug ya know ;) oh, I already mentioned that didn't I? well, after that depressing talk about not having any more babies I had to remind myself... THE SUN IS SHINING!! :D

18~ Blue Eyes is going to be 14 next week. when did this happen??? when did they all grow up? I still look at them and see the 3 little girls twirling in their nighties and falling into a pile of arms and legs and giggles.

19~ it makes me sad

20~ Hey!! Guess what!?!?!?! The SUN IS SHINING!!! whew, after that depressing talk about my babies growing up, I had to remind myself ;)

hoping the sun is shining where you are :D sunshine is my happy drug :) oh? you already knew that? ;)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Still searching for answers.

Do you ever feel that sometimes you don't know what God wants for your life? What His will is for you? Your family? I am still searching for answers. What does HE want us to do? I am still struggling on so many levels. HH and I have been searching. Searching for God's will. When we got back from travelling I struggled. I felt 'stuck' in this life, this town, this church. I still feel stuck. I still don't know what the answer is. I do know that I have pulled back, or been pushed away from the church I grew up in. I have felt like an outsider for so long. I hate that my Pack are feeling the same way. I hate that HH struggles to know what to do for our family. What is the right thing to do? Do we cut ties? Do we leave? Start fresh somewhere else? We don't feel that God is leading us in that direction. I have questioned God, yelled at God, cried to Him, "WHY DID YOU SHOW US THAT THINGS CAN BE DIFFERENT? If you were only planning on bringing us back HERE??" I desire so much more. I crave conviction. I need spiritual growth. I need to work on my own life. HH and I need to work on our family. That is not our churchs fault. I say 'church' here loosely. I see others struggling with the same things that we are. I see the stagnant believers in the pews, I am one of them. Do they NOT want the Holy Spirits convicting in their lives? I don't know their hearts. I only know mine. I want more. I want growth in my life, in my children's lives. In my husbands life. He could be such an amazing man of God. Its there. Its in him. I want to see him be the man God wants him to be.

I can't stay here. Not the way things are. Its not good for me. Its not good for our Pack. Its not good for my husband. I can't do this anymore. I cannot be a part of something that sucks the life out of me. There is just so much... baggage (?) you could say. So much bitterness. Too much has been let go for so long, that now no one knows how to change things. Or they just don't care anymore.
I can't see Him. I can't see His working. Is it just me? Am I the only one struggling with this?

10 on Tuesday

1~ Have I mentioned b4 that I am not loving this winter? yes? no? oh? I have?

2~ Sometimes I feel like a horrible mother. I yell. Yes, you heard it right. I yell at my Pack.
sometimes I scream. When I play it back in my head I realize that they must seriously think their mom is crazy.

3~ I think we are all 1 moment away from being crazy. In fact I think we all have a little crazy in us... or is that just me??

4~ I am having to remind myself that, "this is the day that the Lord has made, I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD!" sometimes I forget.

5~ Is really really really looking forward to summer. You've heard that b4? sorry. (I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD!)

6~ The Pack wants to go on a weekend roadtrip... to WYOMING!!! I'm loving that idea more and more :)

7~ I hate being woke up by a barking dog. at 4:30 in the morning. when I just got to sleep at 3:30. it makes me crabby.

8~ cloudy days also make me crabby. I believe today is a 'crabby day'. (I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD!! whew, that was close ;)

9~ is thinking there is changes to be made. praying that the changes are good ones.

10~ today is a good day to read a book. a happy book. a book with lots of sunshine and summer moments. I will find a book like that. and read. and lose myself in the life of someone else. :)

Monday, February 7, 2011

Not Me.....

I would never ever get sucked into a show as ridiculous as the Bachelor... not me.
And I would never get so sucked into it that I would yell at the tv, yell so loud that the Pack would cover their ears and run for the hills. Not me. cuz that would be shallow. and we all know that I am NOT shallow. I would never do that. Because I know that reality tv is so NOT reality...

I did not step in a pile of crumbs on the vinyl floor, then walk into the carpeted living room, just so the crumbs would come off my feet. Not me. Because I will only have to vacuum the carpet later in the day when I step on said pile of crumbs and get annoyed when I have crumbs sticking to the bottom of my feet again. So I would never, ever do that.

I do not cringe when I see Baby Sister playing with 2 girl Barbies, and one is dressed in a tux, and one in a wedding dress. And she is performing a marriage ceremony. I would never cringe at that. I would never call HH and tell him he must stop at the local Wally World and buy a cheap Ken doll b4 he comes home. Not me.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sunday fun

yeah, I drew a complete blank when it came to a post title.

anyone else ever have that problem? no? never?? just me?

hmmm, figures.

went to the parents for a Super Bowl party.

had a cup of coffee right when I got there.

they got a new coffee pot.

it makes very hot coffee.

I didn't know this.

did you know that nothing tastes good when you have a burnt tongue?

you didn't?

well now ya do.

did you know HH has a thing for a certain female race car driver?

you didn't?

hmmm, well now ya do.

she had 2 commercials tonight. she has black hair.

I have been trying to convince HH that I should try the brunette look.

HH doesn't like that idea.

I threw out the fact that I could try jet black.

kinda like a certain female race car driver.

like having a new woman in his bed.

he didn't go for it.

did I tell ya I burnt my tongue?

it hurts.

its annoying

I feel like I talk with a lisp.

oh? I already mentioned that? hmmm, ok.

HH made it to the SuperBowl party :) yay me!!

did I mention he worked all weekend? and I was pouting?

I am a master pouter.

and I admit it.

I am only human after all ;)

tomorrow is supposed to be cold.

very cold.

have I mentioned I don't like the cold? that I need sunshine? or I pout? oh, I have mentioned that before? just making sure.

hmmm, you may get the impression that I am a high maintenance kinda gal... (because I pout;)
I'm really not that high maintenance. I am actually very easy to please. give me sunshine, and a HH that I can hang out with and I am a very happy girl :) otherwise I pout ;) that's just the way it is. but I can laugh about it. cuz I am usually a very happy girl

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Saturday List

1~It is supposed to be sunshiney and warm this weekend!!

2~which makes me very happy.

3~ sunshine is good for everyone who comes in contact with me. have you ever had to deal with me after an 8 day drear? you don't want to. trust me.

4~sunshine and warmth also mean my bedroom ceiling to going to leak. drip. drip. drip. yuck.

5~ drippy roofs don't make me happy. at all.

6~ the Pack will be learning roof repair this spring. is construction a high school elective?
have to check that out.

7~ its stays light out. till 6 o'clock. that makes me very happy :D

8~ HH is working this weekend. and I am pouting.

9~ weekends don't seem special when HH works. and I pout.

10~its not good for the Pack to have a pouty mom. everyone suffers.

11~ I realize that I don't have pretty dishes to set a table for six.

12~ it reminds me to tell my mom sorry for all those broken dishes when I was
growing up.

13~they called me butter fingers. everything I touched?I dropped.

14~there were a LOT of broken dishes.

15~ Mouth is like me. A lot of broken dishes in her past (and sadly, probably her future)

16~ its saturday. I am bored. and posting about nothing. LUCKY YOU!!!

17~ I am hosting a table for 6 tonight at a banquet.

18~ I have no dishes for this.

18~ I'll let you know how it works out.

19~ no one should have to deal with a 5 day headache.

20~ I have gone thru 1 bottle of excederin and 1 bottle of ibuprofen this week.

21~ I still have a headache.

22~ yuck :P

23~ have I mentioned that HH is working this weekend. and I am pouting? oh? I did? good.

24~ why do little girls play with Barbies, and when they don't have enough Ken dolls for the Barbies they decide to pair up a girl Barbie with a girl Barbie?

25~ It makes me cringe. (being honest here)

26~ my children are begging me to go to town.

27~ I don't want to.

28~ therefore. we won't.

29~ they pout.

30~ they are like me.

31~ Beans is going bowling.

32~ first she had to do dishes.

33~ she pouted.

34~ she's like me too.

35~ I better go find enough dishes for 6 (pretty dishes, I remind you).

36. I don't want to.

37. Yep, I'm pouting.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011


Beans runs up to Mouth and gives her a big hug , "Watcha doing?" she asked Mouth
Mouths answer? "Gonna go put deodorant on, wanna smell???" as she raises her arm and fans her other hand so Beans gets a big whiff. gag gag gag and Beans falls to the floor :)

"Azoozoozoozoozoozoozoolalalalalalalala, la te da lalalalalala, azoozoozoozoozoozoo" sings Baby Sister as she does dishes. I know. she's crazy. we love her anyway.

"I have some great ideas for research papers mom! We should go to the MOA and I can write a paper on how much $ I spend, on the good deals I received, and how I REFRAINED from spending more. I can also write a paper on social interaction between people, between strangers and those that obviously know each other." Yeah, Beans has it all figured out.

"where is the pencil sharpener?!?" asks Little Brother
"just use a pocketknife that's what I have been using" Beans tells him
(yep, we can be kinda redneck)
"its upstairs on my black shelf, in my jewelry box" interrupts Blue Eyes...
We all turn and look at her and say "WHAT?!?! how long have you had it up there?"
(we have been looking for it since Christmas break was over)
"Since Christmas. I use it for my art pencils." and no one can be mad at her. she is in her own little world. it must be wonderful.

Ok, this is a funny one...

So we go to town to go sledding at the "ice slide". During the day. when all other kids are in school. when we get there we see a ton (maybe 18?) of kids there. all ages. and maybe 3 adults.
the Brat Pack is disappointed, they are used to being able to be rough and bowl each other over and be loud and goofy and just generally have FUN. Yes, they do know how to play nicely with others, but given the choice they would rather be able to act like wild animals. anyway, we are watching these other kids sled, they don't follow the rules, btw, Baby Sister was very quick to point out. "They don't wait for their turn. they are very disrespectful to the other sledders, mom". she was annoyed. As Mouth and I stand at the bottom of the hill watching everything that's going on, she leans over and whispers to me, "why aren't they in school?!" I pointed out that they are probably home schooled, just like the Pack. She looks at me, horrified. "But we aren't WEIRD like them are we? I mean, we are NORMAL homeschoolers, right??" Yes honey, we are totally normal ;)


yep, I am looking forward to spring. when everything comes back to life. when you look out the windows and see colors! not just white on white on white, with a little bit of brown and black mixed in (dirt). when the Brat Pack will be outside making noise, running, turning cartwheels, chasing each other, yelling and screaming. Instead of in. my. house.

Swimming, suntans, a zillion kids coming in and out of the house, sleep overs in the tree house, the CABIN!! windows open, a clean porch, fresh veggies out of the garden. the smell of fresh cut grass, shorts, tshirts and tank tops (ya know how many loads of jeans and sweatshirts you do compared to loads of shorts and tshirts?? crazy!), days spent at the park, picnics...

the quietness of an empty house as the Brat Pack never comes in the house until its time for bed! ahhh, blessed quietness. I miss that. I need that.

I should record a day in the life at our zoo... you would have a headache too ( as I am listening to Baby Sister say, ' azoozoozoozoooalalalalala azoozoozoozoo a la te da" over and over and over again as she does the dishes... CRAZY I tell ya!!!).