finding joy

Sometimes its not a very easy thing, to find joy in every journey. This journey has been hard for me to find joy in.

We have left a wonderful church where we were growing and learning and being convicted on a weekly basis. We are struggling to find the joy in our home church, the focus for God's Work is not easy to see, the fire for God's Word is hard to find... I am finding myself asking God if this is really what He has for us. Is this His plan for us? I know I said I would take what I learned down in BB and bring it home with me.
Yeah~ um, thats easier said than done. See, for anything like that to work, you first have to have people who want change, and they don't. They don't want change, they don't want to be convicted, they don't want to search their lives and hearts to see where Christ is leading them. They don't want to be forced out of their comfort zone. And the reason I know this is because that was me 8 months ago. That was me that was sitting in the pew, making my "to-do" list for the week, writing notes to my hubby, picking apart the sermon, trying to stay awake.
I went thru all the motions of being there, but I wasn't there. I had become so bitter. I refuse to become that person again, to be that bitter person who has just given up. But I have to tell you, its hard not to get sucked back into that cycle of bitterness.
It would be so much easier to just sit back and say, "well, that's just how it is up here, " I don't want to do that this time around, I want to throw myself into this work with my whole being... but yet, I don't. I don't want to put myself out there just to get shot down. I am scared of being the one, the one who comes in and shakes things up, who shakes things up just to leave again. But I am more scared of coming home next time and not having a church to go to.
I am trying to find the joy on this journey home, I may have to dig deeper into myself and into God's Will for my life to find the joy this time. I will keep searching for the joy. If I can't find it, maybe I will have to make it...

Home for the Holidays

Well, for those of you who haven't heard, we are back in MN for an unspecified amount of time. Dennis' build down in Florida still hasn't started and his boss cannot justify continueing to pay his salary, we totally understand were he is coming from, he has already put alot of money into a project that hasn't even started. After getting more details we decided to leave all our summer stuff down there and we left my van down there too, so even if the hotel falls thru (his boss really doesn't think that will happen), we will be heading back down to FL to get the rest of our stuff :)

We decided to make the 28 hour drive home all in one marathon! It was a very long drive! I was so proud of the kids, not one complaint, they played nicely together, no fighting, hard to imagine with 5 kids in a vehicle for 28 hours, but they really do defy the normal :) Dennis was amazing, to drive the whole way! We got to the 694 bypass,saw that sign that said, "St CLoud, 47 miles," and we knew we could make it home! We turned on the AC (hard to fall asleep when you are freezing) and talked and laughed the last 2 hours of the trip :) We pulled in the driveway at 1:50 am :P the kids helped unload the truck and the pillows from the trailer, and then it was time to crash! D and I had hard time falling asleep, everytime we would close our eyes we felt like the room was still moving and swaying :P YUCK!!! I finally got to sleep around 5 am, then woke up a few hours later to 3 inches of snow on the truck and the wind blowing!! God really is good, He kept the storm away until we were safe in out home :)

Dad, Mom and Alan drove up after church and brought dinner! It was very appreciated!! The cupboards were empty and I did not look forward to going to the grocery store in the snow, I know, I know, I'll have to get used to it! But the 90 degree difference in 2 days is kinda hard on one's sytem :)

It was great to be in church Sunday night~ to see some of our friends and church family was a blessing. After getting groceries we drove home in the cold and blustery snow! "Welcome Home!!!"

It has been a very busy week so far, I think we have something going on everyday for the next few weeks!! And Dennis already has some leads on work to keep the $ coming in :) Always a good thing!

I miss our friends in FL, and our church family down there, but it is nice to get their phonecalls everyday :) It's very important to stay in touch with friends, otherwise we lose that closeness, and it makes for some akward silences when you find you have nothing to talk about anymore.
I will cherish the friendships I have made over the last 6 months.

The house is ready for Christmas~ the decorations are up, and I am in the mood to bake goodies :) So my busy week will just be getting busier!!

Well, I had better sign off~ so much to do, so little time to get it all done!!

Family Portrait Time!!

Well, its that time of year again!! I love taking pictures of the kids, and I love the fact that I have been doing this with them since they were infants, so they are very patient with me and they put up with my hairbrained ideas :)

The only annoying thing for this years portraits-- I got home to download the pix on my computer and *BAM* half the pix were gone!!!! I was SOOOO mad! Oh well, I guess we will have to head to the beach one more time this week so we can get some retakes done. Oh- and I really wasn't pleased with any of Joseph's pix, so I plan on retaking all of his :P Can't you hear him jump for joy?!?!

It was a great day- I cannot believe we took pictures in the middle of November at the beach!!! I love Florida!!!

10 Things I am Thankful For:

1. family, thousands of miles seperating us makes me appreciate them even more.

2. the kids are doing good in school, and that they are able to complete projects independently.

3. my coffee pot and flavored coffee :)

4. that Snowball came home- silly how one gets so attached to those little furballs :)

5. lower gas prices!!! you never know where we will end up!

6. being a child of God- it is amazing how you can walk into a church 2000 miles from home and feel like you just walked into a family reunion!

7. God's provision- amazing how He can work when we are in His Will!

8. my kids- I know, "of course she's going to say that", but I really am thankful for my kids, I am glad we stuck to our guns and stayed consistant with discipline, even when we wanted to give up. I really enjoy my children, I love seeing them grow to be the people God wants them to be!

9. my mistakes, and the lessons I have learned from them. I pray they make me a better wife and mother

10. the sunshine!!!

yum yum

okay- I haven't been good about blogging and here I am, going to blog about food :)

I made a yummy cake today- used a box mix, but instead of using all water, I split half water and half freshly squeezed ket lime juice :) I didn't know how it would turn out, but it turned out delicious! Then I used a lemon glaze recipe and subbed more key lime juice and zest for the lemon- put a dallop of cool whip on top and a cup of coffee on the side. Makes for a great dessert, and people won't even know you used a box mix, cuz you added all the yummy to it :)

Whenever I say "hotdish" people have no clue what I'm talking about, its a Minnesota thing I have found. They call them cassaroles, and they don't make them down here, everyone eats out :P I make yummy desserts and salads and hotdishes for activites, people are amazed that I cook!! I think its rather humorous :D Oh, and don't ask for a "pop", its "soda". I plan on making rice krispie bars for an activity Saturday afternoon, and chex mix for the girls' night out on Saturday night.

We drove to the Atlantic Ocean last week- it was beautiful, warm, sunny and they have awesome waves over there! You'd think I would learn when it comes to packing a beach bag to bring with everywhere! Yep, no beach bag, once again! And we had 5 kids that got soaked playing in the waves, and we had 5 kids who rode all the way home in tshirts and underwear :) Oh, except for Belle, she wears her swimsuit EVERYWHERE :)
It was a great day though.

Still waiting on Dennis' job. Still in constant prayer over it. we still have an amazingly awesome God who is in control over it all!! Even with a slumping economy, if God wants this for us, it will happen :) wow, what an amazing Father we have!!

I'm posting some pix of our trip to the east coast of FL- enjoy the sand, surf, and sun!!!

Its been too long....

Okay- I have been totally slacking on this blog. Its not like I can say I have been too busy or anything, just too lazy? or maybe its the fact that I really don't have much to update on.

Dennis' job still hasn't started and my life has been spent in constant prayer over this. I am leaning on God's provision thru all of this and have grown so much in Him! I cannot complain about where He has put us, He has to take us out of our comfort zone, away from those who love us most, so we can be totally dependent on Him and His goodness. I have come to accept this and I thrive on His daily blessings for me and my family.

We have had an amazing week of revival at church this week! I have been encouraged, broken down, and convicted on so many levels! I am amazed at His goodness to me!! I am "there" in my life!! I am at the point in my life where I am willing to give all to Him! I used to hide from messeges that I knew I would be convicted thru :P I used to try to be busy with something else so the Holy Spirit could not prick my heart. Why do you think I was in charge of so many things and working in so many areas? So God could not get to my selfish heart, so I would not have to give everything to Him. To be there, to be at that place, where I am totally His. It is a great and wonderful and hard and challenging place to be. I pray that I will always be there! And if I do falter, I pray that I will still have a tender heart that is thirsty for HIS working, that I will never harden my heart to Him and His convicting in my life.

Last night and today have been hard for me. I could not see God's working in our country. I was discouraged, disappointed, and down in the dumps about the whole thing! But I was reminded tonight of what a great man once said, " we have done our duty, the results are God's." I know I have done my duty. I know that I voted according to how I felt God's leading. Now the results are God's! He is in control!!!

WOW!! My God is big enough! He knows what is ahead for us, He will work His perfect will for us. I do know that America is being prepared for the great deceiver that is to come. I really do think that Jesus will be coming for His church soon! I know I am "there", because I am excited for this! I know I still have so many friends and loved ones that are lost, my heart is burdened for them and their families. I know God has given us so many things in prophecy to show us His working, and to warn us that our time is limited, we must take this seriously and tell others of God's love and the Gift that He has given to us. It is our duty to tell others how they can be saved, how they can know that they will go to heaven for eternity.

I went to church feeling very discouraged and left feeling very encouraged! It is wonderful to be in God's house with other believers, and to be in His Word. He is truely an awesome God! And I am looking forward to His working in our country! I am so happy that I am a child of God and that my Father is bigger than anything this world can throw at me! I will praise Him, like Job, I will praise Him thru everything. Thru trials, thru tribulation, Job lost everything, and yet he still praised Him. I want to be like Job.

From Homesick to Discovery

I guess you can say I am officially homesick. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my own house, the smells of MN. I miss having a friend to talk to.

We found out that it may be another 2 months before D starts on his hotel. Which means we may be down here a whole lot longer than we had originally planned. Figure the build may take up to 12 months to complete, and if it doesn't start until November.... well you do the math. We are praying D can get the bulid done in 7-8 months like he did in Red Wing, then we have the chance of being home in July or August. Worse case, we'd be home in Nov. of next year.

His boss doesn't seem concerned about the delay. He told D to "enjoy your wife and kiddies". We can look at it as a paid vacation, and enjoy our time as a family. But it is hard to sit back and enjoy when you're not used to sitting back :)

I have been learning to "let go and let God", not an easy thing to do in my obsessive compulsive life. But I can see Him working in my life and in my heart. I can look at this experience and worry and fret, or I can look at it honestly and realize that God is supplying all our needs. He must be up in heaven , shaking His head at me. I know that when I am worrying and freting that I am taking the glory of His works away from Him. I know that I must pray, then give it to Him, and quit obsessing. If I am worrying about it- then I am telling My Father that He is not big enough. But my God IS big enough!! I am working on these things, daily, it seems.

My mom told me something the other day that helped me so much- she told me to remember that GOD sent us down here, not work. That statement freed me from all the anxiouty I was going thru at that time. To remember that it isn't about D's job, its about God's Will for us down here!! To think that we are not crippled by the job at this time, maybe He wants us for something else down here!

I feel as if I am on a discovery, a discovery of God's Will for my life.



I am content knowing that this is where He wants me for now. I will try not to be too homesick. Maybe He is preparing us for something, something that we may not know yet, but something that He has planned for. I am looking forward to seeing my mom and dad next month. The kids want to show them our new life down here. Its so different than our life before- although I think it more of a difference in our hearts, a change that one may only see if they look very closely.

So I very quickly went from "Homesick to Discovery", in just a few short paragraphs, its funny how that can happen:) I am looking forward to all the things that God has in store for us as I learn to give Him the glory, all the glory. And as I learn to let go and let God.