One Week. One Month. One Year

I watched a movie the other day. (My computer was at the shop). It was called One Week. Kind of a dry movie, but I really got into it. A young man (my age ;) was told he had cancer. He only had so long to live (I can't remember how much time they gave him, I'm horrible at those kind of details!), so what does he do? He buys a motorcycle and takes off. For one week he travels. No where in particular. Just follows his nose. Heads west. Lives on his own terms.

The last thing you hear as the screen goes dark is, " what would YOU do? If you were given one week. One month. One year. to live. What would you do?"

It got me thinking.

I remember when my grandma was diagnosed with cancer. She was given a relatively short amount of time as an outlook. You know what she did? She went to FL. She went to Washington. She LIVED. She was diagnosed b4 I got pregnant with Baby Sister. She should have never seen Baby Sister, if we were to believe the Drs. Well, Baby Sister was born and Old Grandma got to hold her, love her up. And over the next 24 months they formed a very special relationship. Baby Sister ended up coming along for the ride when I went over to grandmas a few times a week. To bring a meal. A treat. As I cleaned, ect, Baby Sister and her 'Old Mama' cuddled and talked and laughed.

One week. One month. One year.
What WOULD I do?

Would I take time to witness to those loved ones that are bound for hell?

Would I get things right with those who I have done wrong to?

Would I take the time to stop and actually listen to my babies hopes and dreams? To their heartaches and challenges?

Would I turn off my computer and the tv and spend the time cuddling with my HH? Talking? Planning? Just breathing together?

Would I book that flight to the ocean so I could smell the ocean air again?

Would I do those things I have always dreamt about? Cliff jumping, sky diving....

Would I take a road trip? See the things I have dreamt of seeing? The Rocky Mountains, those big trees in California, the west coast, Texas, Central Park...

What would I do?

What would you do? What are some of the things that you find yourself putting off? Those things that you always say, "someday. someday, when the kids are grown. when we have money. when we have the time."

What would you do if you found out you were out of time?

And after I though about all of that, I then asked myself. "why wait?"
We aren't promised tomorrow. Shouldn't we all live as if today is our last day?

I think its time for me to take that time to listen to my babies. Turn off the tv and computer and cuddle with my HH. Get things right with those that I have done wrong to. Witness to those unsaved loved ones. My 'fun things' may have to wait until the kids are grown. till we have the money.

but those things that I can do now? those things that mean the most?

those things I will take the time to do.
and I will live like I was told that I have one week. one month. one year. to LIVE.

I'm still here :)

So much has happened the last few weeks around here...

• A very close friend of the Pack came to evangelistic meetings a few weeks ago. She texted us later that night and told us that she had prayed and she had accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior! We were so happy! Then she invited invited invited... 2 more friends accepted Christ as Savior that week :)

• Then I received a text from her. it was the next week. it was 8 am. on a school day. she was very upset. the kids at the local high school had just received word that one of their classmates had committed suicide. right away she has been put in the fire. and it tested her. and we prayed. and prayed. and prayed. she was immersing herself in her new Bible. trying to find answers. she did good. the end of that same week. she calls Beans. she's in tears. another classmate had just committed suicide and she was afraid for the rest of her classmates. the whole town went into crisis mode. every teen was watched. parents took time off of work to be home with their kids. the crisis center had beds full of teens on suicide watch. the local hospital had 1 teen admitted. we have had 2 funerals this week. 2 kids with their lives ahead of them. its hard to understand.

• friday night on tv there was a program. it was about 'IFB' churches. I had never heard anyone refer to Independent Fundamental Baptist churches as 'IFB'. it was kinda scary how they brought to light so many things. I was raised in an 'IFB' church. I still go to that same 'IFB' church. I think all "religions" have churches and pastors that are bad apples and I don't think we should all be painted with that same broad brush. But listening to the people being interviewed... I can really see some of the things that they talked about. I have struggled with the narrow-mindedness of 'fundys' lately. more and more in the last 5 yrs. it has made me step back and really search my heart and examine things a little more closely. I'm still trying to figure out things.

• we are celebrating 2 birthdays this weekend :) Baby Sister turned 9 a couple weeks ago and Little Brother turns 11 tomorrow!! I am going to try my hand at some pretty fancy cakes. we'll see how that turns out...

• the next couple days I plan on getting some spring cleaning done. its supposed to snow. um. yeah. not happy about that. at. all. my front porch is just now getting easier to clean. its going to be back to mud and muck by the weekend :P yuck.

• am I only person that does not get this 'WINNING' thing that is going around?? I have heard about it. seen it on FB. its mentioned on tv shows. brought up on news casts. I think it all has to do with Charlie Sheen? I guess my thoughts are that anything that has Charlie Sheen in it can not be thought of as 'winning'. I pity the man. He seems to be SCREAMING for help and people are making him into a hero of some kind. I guess it makes me sad because it really shows how immoral our world has become. And it scares me to think my children are growing up in this corrupt and immoral world. yikes.

Guess I better get busy with that 'spring' cleaning list that is about a mile long :P and make some cakes and get them in the freezer. and figure out what I'm going to feed the Brat Pack for dinner. and. and. and..... :D I hope the sun is shining in your neck of the woods. if it is, soak some up for me please!!! I have a feeling we are going to be on a 8 day drear around here :P and you know what that means. I pout. ;)

A Friday List

• 1~ I just saw a peak of sunshine and I instantly smiled :D

• 2~ S got saved this week!! She's kinda like an adopted daughter to us. that news made me do a happy dance and cry happy tears!

• 3~ BabySister turned 9 on Tuesday! It made me feel old :(

• 4~ we have had evangelistic meetings at our church all week... tonight is the last night and the Pack and S are inviting everyone they can think of! So far we have 2 vehicles packed and S is still texting me and asking if she can invite 'this person' and "oh! is it alright that I invited my cousin too?" thinking we may have to call in some help getting them all to town!

• 5~ I made apple cinnamon pancakes this morning.

• 6~ The Pack thinks I must be the best mom in the whole world, and no one makes food as yummy as me ;)

• 7~ ok, they didn't really say that. I doubt they have ever even thought it. being a mom is a truly thankless job. sometimes I need to make things up in my head to make me feel like they actually notice everything I do for them. every. single. day.

• 8~ it rained yesterday!

• 9~ more snow melted!

• 10~ the roof did not drip!!

• 11~ instead the basement floor is covered in water :( urgh.

• 12~ Little Brother is wonderful at pulling up carpet and stacking everything against the far wall.

• 13~ and mopping up the water.

• 14~ in the middle of the night :(

• 15~ without even waking me and HH (Handsome Hubby, keep up people!)!!

• 16~ Love that boy :D

• 17~ its another working weekend for HH

• 18~ and I WILL NOT POUT!!!

• 19~ I will be thankful for the work

• 20~ I will be thankful for the work

• 21~ I will be THANKFUL for the work! (ok, that was a little more convincing ;)

Gonna Pack My Bags

heard a song last night.
it started out with, "gonna pack my bags"
I really have that feeling.
wanting to pack my bags
go somewhere.
ANYWHERE!!
I need a change of scenery
a change of pace
someplace where I can be happy
where I can smell the ocean
feel the sunshine on my face
somewhere I can breath
where I can recharge
and smile

Its a very good week

This week is a very good week. Let me tell you the reasons why...

~ its 6 pm and it is still light out! I love longer days!

~ bills are paid and hubby is looking at yet another job :)
he has been super busy and tho I may pout when I don't get to see him
much, I do thank my Heavenly Father for a husband who is willing to work
hard and long to support our Pack

~ last week was a super hard week for me, Monday night (7th) I said good bye to a very dear friend of ours. So last week was funeral plans, ordering flowers, comforting the Pack who had just lost a man that they had loved like a grandpa. It was very hard. this week can only be better

~ the snow is melting!!

~ and my roof is NOT dripping!!! YAY!!! thank you girls for shovelling the roof after the last few snowfalls!!

~ I went shopping today. and spent very little. :) cuz we need very little.

~ I am very content with needing little. wanting little.

~ I love that the Pack was super ready to get done with school after Christmas break.
now we are focusing on our garden!!

~ I went to the library yesterday. and checked out a TON of books

~ and 2 cookbooks :)

~ we had cinnamon bites for breakfast this morning. I served them in coffee cups. Of course I topped them with my version of cinnabon icing :)

~ then I was feeling especially happy so I drove to the big city and brought some to HH and his partner at work.

~ it made them smile, which made me very happy :)

~ then I went shopping

~ and bought very little

~ that made me smile :D

~ I have been a super good wife and mama this week and have served fresh veggies and/or fruit at every meal, I have served well balanced meals all week (its only Wednesday, alot can change :P ).

~ I am so very in love with HH and he makes me smile :)

I love spring. It makes me happy to see people come to life after a long winter.
I heard geese flying overhead today. One more sign of spring!
Oh!! Guess what I did today??? I washed windows!! and they look so pretty!!

*Yes, I know I know. its only mid march and we can still get snow in April, but that snow will melt quickly and the end is in sight! so let me be deliriously happy!!*

Hump Day

ever notice how that phrase is really a very vulgar phrase? Yeah, I have too. But I am once again totally drawing a blank for a post title :P so I am resorting to vulgar ;)

Yesterday was a very hard day. I was sad. And tears were never far away from my eyes.

All she had to do was run down the stairs, giggle and twirl and the waterworks would start. My little Blue Eyed Angel Baby. I see her running down the stairs in my memories, giggling, twirling to show me her ballerina moves, with her wild curly hair flowing around her. Now she comes running down the stairs, giggling and twirling to show me her straightened hair. She has decided she does not like her beautiful curly hair, she straightens it every day. I miss her curls.

14 is still a very scary number for me. Silly isn't it? I have a 15 yr old, and yet, Blue Eyes turns 14 and I turn into a simpering fool.

*Topic change~ tears are starting to flow :P*

Beans has been begging for permission to get something done with her hair. Not just a cut and style. Nope, she wants a total new look. Dark dark dark hair with purple highlights. HH and I have agreed to let her try it. I know. Total shocker. We'll see if we regret it. ;)

*Topic Change*

I love watching the Pack grow up to be great kids. ( I know I know, I was just whining and crying and carrying on about Blue Eyes turning 14, now I love watching them grow up... I'm crazy I guess ;) They are FUN kids to hang out with :) I love that they see someone in the store that they know, adults, and they stop and carry on conversations with them. Real conversations. Not just, "um, yeah, yeah, I guess" as their eyes dart everywhere but at said adults face. They aren't embarrassed to see their uncles or cousin in the store. They run up to them , give them hugs and ask them how they are doing, how work is going, they introduce themselves to their uncles or cousins staff.

It still surprises me when I see 3 teenage girls across the store, laughing, giggling, sometimes helping an older person find something or reach something, stopping to talk to a little baby in shopping cart. The whole time with smiles on their faces. Then I realize they are my girls and I smile. Those amazing girls are MINE! and I love seeing who they are growing up to be :)

But it still floors me that I can possibly be old enough to have girls that are that beautiful, that mature, that responsible, that OLD!

I think I may have to go lock myself in my room with a box of kleenex and feel sorry for myself.

And pray for sunshine. Its my happy drug ya know ;)

A Friday List

1~ Sunshine is my happy drug :) and guess what?? THE SUN IS SHINING!! you know what that means right?? yep! Shanan is a VERY happy momma this morning.

2~ its still morning, a lot can happen.

3~ Was talking to HH last night, told him how I am really regretting not having more babies.

4~ I really really want more babies.

5~it would cost about $5000 to reverse the tubal I had done after Baby Sister was born :'(

6~ I have resigned myself to the fact that I won't ever have the joy of being pregnant again :'(

7~ it makes me sad. very sad.

8~ then HH reminded me that he is very much looking forward to the time when its just US. We have never had just us. I had Beans 2 months after we said 'I do'.

9~ he also told me that he does have those times when he wishes we could have more babies.

10~ then he thinks about the soon to be time when it will be US and he is happy with our life.

11~ I am looking forward to being just us too. and I will still be young! 39 and an empty nester??? still young enough to have LOTS of FUN ;)

12~ I am getting 2 more girls for the weekend :) Little Brother is not excited. at all.

13~ HH is working this weekend again. remember what happens when HH works weekends? and I am at home with the Pack? and nothing exciting happens. and the weekend feels just like any other week day? yes? no? yes?

14~ I pout. just in case you forgot, I figured I should remind you. ;)

15~ I figured this weekend would be a good time to organize my freezers and figure out what we all have in them.

16~ doesn't that just sound SO EXCITING!?!?! yeah, its not.

17~ hey! guess what?!?! THE SUN IS SHINING!! its my happy drug ya know ;) oh, I already mentioned that didn't I? well, after that depressing talk about not having any more babies I had to remind myself... THE SUN IS SHINING!! :D

18~ Blue Eyes is going to be 14 next week. when did this happen??? when did they all grow up? I still look at them and see the 3 little girls twirling in their nighties and falling into a pile of arms and legs and giggles.

19~ it makes me sad

20~ Hey!! Guess what!?!?!?! The SUN IS SHINING!!! whew, after that depressing talk about my babies growing up, I had to remind myself ;)

hoping the sun is shining where you are :D sunshine is my happy drug :) oh? you already knew that? ;)