I'm really really not happy with you right now...

 We went on a hike on Saturday. Like, a real hike. A challenging hike. At least for us it was a challenge, it definitely was not a challenge for the 2 older guys that smoked us at the beginning of the hike. It was over 10 miles. It was a lot of up and down. and up and down. and right when we thought, "okay, we have to be on the decent now", BAM!!! let's go up again! At one point of the hike, Dennis looked at me on one of our breathing breaks, and said, "you probably hate me a lot right now" (this little adventure was all his idea). I answered him, quiet shortly, "I am really, REALLY, not happy about this right now".  He, quiet mysteriously to me, gave me a lot of space for the rest of the hike. As he would stop periodically to see if I wanted to take a break, I would answer him shortly, "no". and we would keep moving onward. 

*Sidenote* Tuck was my buddy the whole hike and was a trooper. He would pull me up those steep climbs and try to drag me (running) down the small decents. Needless to say, he earned sleeping on our bed that night. Carlson was like the energizer bunny, him and Dennis would jog up those steep inclines (yeah, so cool) and run down those small decents. Carl just kept going and was excited and happy about the whole experience. Tuck and I were not. He was a mess by mile marker 3, he hates being dirty and having anything stuck in his hair, and I was mumbling under my breath. Alot. 

We reached the summit, elevation of almost 6,000 feet. Yay! It was a beautiful view. But one I was not enjoying very much. All I could think was, "we have another 4 miles to go"... 

We came to a fork in the trail a few miles further in our hike and stood there. Which way do we go?? There was no clear-cut choice. We knew we needed to go to Thain Creek Campground. Tr 431. But that wasn't on the marker. The marker only told us what was down the left path, no indication of what lay ahead down the path to the right. We concluded we did not want to go to Tr 411 or Tr 413, so we headed right. To the unknown. 

I had taken a screen shot earlier in the week of the description of the trail, so when we started following a creek, I knew it jived with the description on my screen shot, but Dennis at this point, was enough up ahead that I never gave him that little piece of info 😏. 

A few miles later, I heard Dennis yell back, "hikers!" I was never more relieved in my life. Humans!! We hadn't come across another soul for 5 hours! Up to this point we still weren't positive we had taken the correct fork in the road. A little family came into view. Daddy and Mommy with babies strapped to their front and back! Made some small talk, they asked us where we came from and if the hike up to windy mountain was doable for them. "its quiet the hike, and unless you are used to the up and down, I wouldn't try it this late in the day with 2 babies". We asked them, where does this trail take us?? Their answer... to Thain Creek Campground, its only about 30 minutes to the trailhead. 

Immediate relief was seen on both Dennis and my faces I'm sure! I looked pretty rough at this point, sweat rolling down my face, limping because I twisted my ankle a few miles back and every step was excruciatingly painful, my flannel shirt was unbuttoned and hanging down my back and my sweatshirt was wrapped around my waist. 

30 minutes! We could do this!! Got a little extra pep in our steps and when the car came into view, we both felt amazing! I found the nearest outhouse and Dennis got the dogs water. As we got everything in the car, we were talking and Dennis told me he had never heard me say that I really really did not like him, until today, I could tell he was taken back by it and hurt by it. He told me he was sorry about pushing me this hard, and he told me that he definitely bit off more than we could chew. I looked at him and said, "I never said I really didnt like you. I said I'm really really not happy about this right now... Wait... THATS why you kept a good pace ahead of me and wouldn't let me get close to you?!?".  Needless to say, a big misunderstanding let us down a very silent last 4 miles of this challenging hike. We had a good laugh about it, AFTER it was all said and done and we have a few lessons learned from this little adventure of ours.

Yesterday was Sunday and we attended church online, from 1000 miles away (sometimes I really love technology)!

Pastor started a new 5-week study on the Armor of God, and Saturday's hike gave me a real way to put it into perspective. 

The last time we planned all-day hikes, with elevation and steep climbs, we worked out, we trained. We lost weight. We had maps! We researched the difficulty level of the hikes. Saturday we were not prepared in any way for the hike we took. We jumped into it blindly, even though we had all the recourses at our fingertips, we chose to jump, without giving it the proper respect and time and effort it needed. No, it demanded! And we struggled, we stumbled, and we limped along, we were dejected and in despair, unhappy with the whole day and we had no clue where the end was!

God has given us a way to prepare for this life, this supernatural, spiritual, battle we are in every day of our lives, He has given us the only resource we need, we have The Map at our fingertips!  Yet we find ourselves jumping in blindly. Without a bit of armor on. Without even the tiniest bit of preparing or training. And then we struggle, we stumble, we limp along, and we mutter under our breaths. We become dejected and in despair. We find ourselves unhappy where we are. Satan takes every stumble and struggle and uses it against us. Satan is no longer in battle with God, he knows God wins! But Satan is in a daily battle with us, to cause us to stumble, to cause us to lose focus, because then he wins in the battle for lost souls.  

I am looking forward to the next 4 weeks of getting battle ready for this world we live in! 

This is Us

                             ****      This is Us!!     ****

Beans (Shelly), Mouth (Brooke), Me (Shanan), 

Baby Sister (IsaBelle), HH (Dennis), Blue Eyes (Alexis) ,

and Little Brothe(Joseph) in front 
 

We recreated the photo of The Brat Pack in the tree house

a couple years ago

                                                           

          I now go by Mama Two, or "Two",

              as our grandbabies call me.

               And HH is now "Papa!"

     Crazy how things have changed so quickly! 

Shelly is a mom of 2, Deklan and Harlynn and they live in the "big town". Little Harlynn gave us of the scare of our lives when she was born and gave us all a whole new appreciation for the preciousness of life and to live every day to the fullest. Our little Harlynn is doing great now (she's the little girl on my lap in the pic) and has a full, happy life ahead of her. She is the funniest little girl and brings so much JOY to our lives every day! Deklan is in 1st grade and is a grand explorer. He loves to adventure and find treasures, he is always covered in new bandages from his "act first, think later" motto in life! He is my biggest help when it comes to preserving and canning our garden goods.

                                     *******************************************

~PAUSE~

Maybe I should introduce our little Pack! pictured from left to right... we have Christopher and Kassandra, they belong to Alexis and Trevor. Then we have Harlynn and Miles on my lap (those two always fight over me, "MY TWO" is heard, as they push and shove, I'm not hurt by it at all) Harlynn belongs to Shelly and Christian. Miles is Brooke and Mason's middle child. Then we have Oliver and Elijah on Dennis' lap, they are Brooke and Mason's oldest and youngest boys!  We have our Deklan in the front, the oldest of the grandbabies, he belongs to Shelly and Christian also.

                                   ********************************************

Alexis is married and lives the farthest away (40 minutes! lol) with her husband Trevor and their 2 kids, she does daycare for Brooke's 3 little boys and they love their Titi! Kassandra is in kindergarten, and is total girl, she loves her kitties and wears dresses 24/7.  Christopher loves anything and everything dinosaurs right now! We just celebrated his 3rd birthday last weekend; he is the smartest and sweetest little guy you will ever meet.

Brooke lives a couple miles down the road from us with her husband Mason and 3 little boys. She works in a kitchen with IsaBelle and they do catering on the weekends. Oliver is her oldest, he's 4 now and only knows 1 speed and that is FAST. He talks fast, runs fast, walks fast and sleeps fast. He loves to follow me around the house and talk, we like to say he has a weeks' worth of words to say and he has one day to say it in! Miles is next, he is my birthday buddy born 2 hours too late. I coached him into this world via facetime (stupid covid restrictions), and he is truly my sweet baby. He loves cars and trucks and is the best snuggler. Baby Elijah is the newest grandbaby, and well, he's a baby. He loves eating and sleeping and can get his bouncer chair hopping.  

Joseph truly is following in his father's footsteps and is now a site superintendent and builds gas stations/c stores. He set up a sawmill in our backyard last weekend and is hoping to further his dream of becoming a furniture builder. 

IsaBelle, our baby girl, has struggled with health issues in the last 2 years and we are hoping and praying there will be an end in sight to those struggles soon. She works in the campus kitchen with Brooke and does catering on weekends also. Her and Jospeh rent an apartment together and have since she moved out at 18, always the best of friends, our Littles, and it makes this momma heart happy.

Dennis is still working construction. Away from home again after we had the blessing of him working close enough to home to BE home every weekend, then every night for over almost 2 years! We were able to do so much to our home and property and spent almost every weekend with our Pack and their families! Now him and I are fulfilling our dream of being together, just the two of us, as I travel with him for work! Our Pack is keeping an eye on our house and we are soaking up the moments we get to spend with all of them when we make our way home for an occasional weekend. 

We have always said we are not "dog people" but here we are, with our his and hers mini aussies 😂You have Carl, my almost 2 year old Aussie, he is a little neurotic and anxious and my little buddy.  He's the blue merle in the background of the photo. Then there is Tucker, he belongs to Dennis, and he is just like his human. He is 3 years old and the most mellow Aussie I have ever seen. They go with us and have proven to be amazing travelers and a great reason to get out of apartment and explore our new surroundings. 

                                        
 

Growing in Wisdom and Knowledge

 I went with Dennis to Montana. No more questioning what I needed to do, he needs me with him more than the kids need me in MN, they have each other, he had no one. The kids are taking care of my garden, we will be home every few weeks and I will be canning 24/7 on the weekends I am home! It always takes me a bit to get used to a new thing. Living in a 1-bedroom hotel (I will call it an apartment from here on out, it's better for my mind set) room takes some getting used to for me. I'm used to a whole house to clean and maintain, a yard and garden to keep up with, children and grandchildren to see, so this is an adjustment. It's a good adjustment for me. I am so used to "busy work" that being still has been driving me crazy. 

A friend stated, "goals and busy work are usually for people that can't sit in a room and be alone". That made me pause. Am I so busy that I don't give my Father the undivided attention He and I both need? So the last few days I have dug deep into my Bible. I have a few different studies that I am really enjoying (?). The one has been very convicting. 

Last winter we spent a few weeks searching and finding out what our spiritual gifts are, I was excited and was willing to jump in and use those gifts to serve others at church! Thats as far as it went. You see, I have used past hurts and offenses to build up strongholds in my life, my impenetrable walls have been standing firm, and I have come to the realization that I cannot use the gifts God has given me fully until those walls are finally torn down.

Do I, did I, have reason to be hurt? Yes, I did. It's true that those closest to you will hurt you the deepest. And as a Christ follower, I have found that other believers have hurt me the deepest. And as I have been hurt deeply time and time again, those walls got taller and stronger.   

 We have found a church family that fits and that we LOVE (after 10 years of searching and continuing to be hurt)!  And in true Shanan fashion, I flat out told them that I don't NEED friends (those walls are very very strong and I am very stubborn!). That I don't WANT friends. I was harsh. In hindsight it was probably hurtful to say it so bluntly, I tend to pride myself on my bluntness😖. I explained that I don't mean anything by it, that I enjoy being friendly with others, I actually really enjoy being around other believers, but that is as far as I want it to go. I don't need or want to meet up for coffee, to have others involved in my daily or even weekly life, to open up my heart to, to share my struggles and heartbreaks with or to rejoice with. I don't need them or anyone. Ouch! I knew even at that time that I wrong to think, much less say, these things, but those walls were standing tall and strong!

You may ask if I am still bitter towards those that hurt me so deeply, so many years ago. I am not. You probably don't believe me, and I don't blame you! But you see, I forgave them years ago and feel nothing but love for them and sincerely pray the best for them and their families! And since I no longer felt any bitterness or anger towards them, I figured I was okay to keep those walls up. "Live and learn", "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me", you know, all those sayings, they have strengthened my resolve to not let anyone into my life and heart ever again.

This Bible study on The Bait of Satan is opening my eyes to how wrong I have been in that thinking. I am seeing how Satan has used and is STILL using those past hurts and offenses to enable me to keep my walls strong and firm! And I am figuring out that that is not what my Heavenly Father wants for me, He cannot use me to help build His Kingdom if I'm not willing to tear down these strongholds in my life. If I want all of HIM, I need to give Him ALL of ME. 

So I guess that was a very long-drawn-out way of saying that I am learning to embrace the quiet and stillness, to use this time to focus on learning, to grow in wisdom and knowledge. To build a stronger relationship with my Father and to be fully present with Him. 

Oh, and to spend some quality time with Dennis and finally fulfill that dream of being just the two of us 😊!

The Master Gardener

 I just started gardening the last couple years, I had a garden for a couple years when the kids were little, and it was fun, but more of just an experience with the kids than an actual productive venture. This year I am trying harder to find and grow veggies that will flourish in our growing zone here in MN, our season is kind of a short one up here, so you have to make every square foot count. 

Reading Psalm 1 the other day, I got stuck on verse 3. "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper."

Now as I am learning about gardening, I have learned that certain plants get started from seeds, indoors, sometime in March. Other seeds get planted straight into the ground as soon as the danger of frost is over, and yet others fare better in our MN autumns, as our summers can be dry and brutally hot. I am to plant veggies and fruits with their favorite companions to get the best yield, tomatoes love basil, and marigolds, put the pumpkins by the other squashes, beans and peas love growing next to each other, carrots and cucumbers and radishes and beets, they love each other also. Its turning out to be a fun lesson in not so simple living.

But all of this, it got me thinking about The Master Gardener, as I read that third verse over and over again. How He has planted ME, here, in this time, with the companions that He has planted around me in my life, to bear fruit for Him, in this season. 

As crazy as our world is right now, and as exciting as it is to watch prophecy unfold around us in real time, I am reminded, that I have been planted right here, right now, to bring forth fruit for HIM and for heaven. That I have no reason to fear the future of our country, our world, for I am planted by the rivers of water to bring forth fruit in my season, my leaves will not wither, and whatever I do will prosper for my Father in Heaven.

Climbing Trees

John Muir_ he was the founder of the Sierra Club. The love of nature was his central passion, he spent his life studying, protecting, and appreciating it. In December of 1874, he was staying with a friend in the Sierra Mountains when a winter storm set in. The wind was so strong that it bent the trees backwards, instead of hiding in the cabin, Muir chased the storm. He found a mountain ridge, climbed to the top of a giant Douglas Fir and held on for dear life for several hours, riding his passions and senses on the sights and sounds and scents of the winter storm raging around him. 

 "When the storm began to sound I lost no time in pushing out into the woods to enjoy it. For on such occasions, Nature always has something rare to show us, and the danger to life and limb is hardly greater than one would experience crouching deprecatingly beneath a roof".

Muir was no stranger to danger. He climbed mountains and crossed rivers and explored glaciers. There is something about the mantal picture of John Muir climbing a 100ft Douglas Fir and riding out a raging storm that is iconic.

Now put that iconic picture in your mind as you think about the Christian life. Are we to be mere spectators to life? Or are we to confront life head on, can we climb those trees and embrace the life the Creator has put before us?

We were born to be tree climbers! Can you think of anyone in the Bible that climbed a tree? Zacchaeus climbed a tree. A sycamore tree. He was a tax collector. I imagine he had a reputation in town. Yet he climbed a tree, because he wanted to see Jesus. Some may say he looked foolish, I probably would have thought the same if I had been alive back then to see it. And then Jesus told him to come down, because He was going to go to his house. So Zaccheus climbed a tree and Jesus went to a sinners home. And people complained. lol 

We could always find our Blue Eyes up in a tree when she was a little girl, sometimes a lot higher up then we were comfortable with! How many adults do you know that still climb trees? Our Blue Eyes still can't help herself when she comes across a good climbing tree, and I hope she raises her 2 little ones to be tree climbers too.

Zacchaeus was willing to look foolish for just a glimpse of Jesus walking by on the street below. And the result was salvation! I can just see Zacchaeus walking that street later on in his life , going to that tree and reliving that moment again and again in his memory. I wonder if he ever climbed back up there? I bet he showed his children and grandchildren, and told them the story of when he met Jesus, up in a tree. 

Am I a tree climber? Have I ever climbed a tree to meet my Jesus? Have I ever been willing to look oh so foolish for Him? 

We are called to be tree climbers, giant killers, water walkers, and ark builders for our Jesus. Am I willing to be any of those for my Jesus? 

Pop a bowl of popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

An aunt of mine and I were chatting a few weeks ago about the direction our country is headed. It can be frustrating, disappointing, maddening and down right depressing if we allow it to be.


The different things I hear and see on mainstream media can get me thinking that we don't have a prayer, this country of ours. The black lives matter movement kind of blind sided me. Until 8 years ago I did not even know our country had a race problem. I may be naive. Maybe I live under a rock? I am not sure. But until the election of our current president, I did not think we had a race problem. I never felt that issues were raised because of color or race. I believed that if someone robbed, murdered, raped, broke the law, then they were criminals and should be treated as such. If you were a law abiding citizen that was doing your best to support your family, be a good parent, if you were striving to make a difference in this world (for good), then you would be respected. (Respect is earned. Not owed.)


I am not quiet sure when we became a people, a country, of wimpy, whiny people. If you don't agree with someone, you are offensive, a bigot, maybe even racist. Maybe its because you are a homophobe. But you are definitely judgmental.


As Christians, we are supposed to love, love, love. I guess when you're a Christian, you aren't allowed to hurt anyone's feelings. (I use the term 'christian' lightly, as the word Christian no longer identifies you with being a Christ follower, it seems people use the term to tell others that they are 'a good person'). I don't agree. As a Christ follower, yes I am to love, but that does not make me a doormat of epic proportions. I do not have to sit in a corner and quiet my voice. I can tell others that homosexuality is sin. I can voice my opinion on abortion, that it is murder. I am allowed to fight against the indoctrination of our children thru the government, when it wants to teach them that the muslim religion is accepted and even praised as a peace loving religion. Its wrong. So very very wrong, for us believers to quiet our voices.


Our local school girls have created a page on social media. "Free the beauty" its called. they think they are a big deal. They spout words and statements like "everyone is beautiful", they feel that no one should be allowed to call someone ugly, or fat, or stupid. Well I am sorry to inform you, little girls, that not everyone is beautiful, not everyone is perfect the way they are. Everyone could use some improvement (please do not misinterpret this as a statement on solely physical attributes).  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I may not see things the same way as you do. I tend to look at a persons character, who they are as a human being, and if they are ugly on the inside, they tend to take that shape on the outside. If you are a nasty girl, (mean, ugly, deceitful) then you ARE nasty and ugly to me. You may not be the most physically beautiful specimen on the planet, but if you have a beautiful character, if you are kind, honest, respectful, if I can see Christ thru you, you ARE beautiful in my eyes.


 Not everyone is a winner. Not everyone deserves a trophy. You know why? Because by giving everyone a trophy, by telling everyone they are winners, they are beautiful, they are perfect just the way they are, you are taking away any desire for them to better themselves. To become better people. To hopefully become an asset to society instead of a drain on it. We are raising the next generation to be wimpy, whiny, narcissistic human beings. And quiet frankly, it terrifies me.  It terrifies me that they will someday be running our country.


*okay. rant over*


You know what conclusion my aunt and I came to in our discussion? We concluded that ,we, as believers, do have an obligation to our Lord to be the salt and light in our communities. We will not lay down and be walked on. We are to reach others for HIM and for His Kingdom. We have to stand up. And be heard. But when it is all said and done. We already know the end of this story. We know God wins. We know that Satan loses this battle.


We will be victorious over this sin sick world. It will not be without heartache. It will not be without loss. We will be persecuted. And we will suffer.


But as we are being the salt and light, as we are doing what we know God wants us to do, living as we know He wants us to live...


We can just pop a bowl of popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the ride .  I have a feeling its going to be quiet a ride.

I blinked

Where have the last 20 years gone?
Sometimes I look back at this life of ours and am amazed.
Amazed at the grace of my Lord and Savior who has kept our
family safe in the shelter of His arms.


Some may look at our family and question that statement.
Safe? How can you even say that? Look what
you have had to deal with as a family!
 Death. Sin. Heartache.
So much time spent apart from each other!


My answer is this.
Without God I would not have found the peace and comfort
that followed the death.
Without God I would not have been able to love thru the sin.
Without God I would not have been able to show love,
compassion and forgiveness.
Without God I would not BE able to love thru so much time spent
apart from each other.

Beans, a single mom with an adorable blessing.
God knows His plans in our daughter's and grandson's life.
I am a firm believer in taking our sins and turning them into blessings.
It can only be accomplished thru forgiveness and lots of prayer
and heart-checks.
My girl amazes me with her humility. Her love
for her son. Her determination to bring every fear and worry
to her Lord thru prayer. Now she looks back at our "rules",
the ones she fought against so hard!!!, and understands them.
She watches her younger siblings and encourages me to
stick to my guns. "They will understand someday and be
thankful that you didn't buckle". 
I blinked. And she grew up.


Our Blue- Eyed Angel is still flying under the radar.
She does what she wants, doesn't announce it to anyone,
 goes days without talking to me, loves her nephew
to pieces, keeps busy with work, and loves with all
her heart. She talks about her future.
 About wanting to get married and start a family.
Now when I overhear her talking with her sisters
she is the one who reminds them that they will be getting
married and not living together forever.
I must have blinked.
My angel baby is not a baby anymore.




Mouth is graduating. She is already half moved into her
sisters place. She wants to spread her wings and fly.
Fly away from home, away from the rules and
confines of parents.
She wants to make her own decisions, her own mistakes.
And I understand it.
We raised our children to be independent. Free thinkers.
Wanderers. And these are the consequences of it.
What happened to my blonde-haired (She dyed her hair BROWN :( 
dandelion puff, wild little girl?
I look at her and see a quiet brunette,
with straight hair and big dreams.
Why did I blink?!?!?


Little Brother. He sure isn't little anymore. He's almost
taller then his sisters, even Mouth!
He has a summer job. A summer job that will give him the
experience he could use for the future.
It will also take him away from home. A lot. Like father, like son, I guess.
We raised our Pack to be hard-workers. To
be respectful. To always go the extra mile.
And this is the consequence. A company that would like to train him,
to give him the experience he needs to be a site superintendent.
To oversee multi million dollar projects. Trades that want
to train him, to give him experience in all the aspects of
construction management.
Oh. Did I mention he's also getting his drivers license next month?
I don't want to blink!!!


Baby Sister. Is a teenager. She will be getting her first cell phone soon.
She is talking about applying for a summer job.
She loves doing hair and makeup. And she is actually quite talented at it.
She still loves to crawl in bed with me at the end of
the day and tell me all her hopes and dreams.
She tells me what is going on in her heart and life.
She laughs and giggles with me and we act goofy together.
She is still my baby girl.
I refuse to blink.


 Last night, as I laid in bed, I could hear my 3 youngest
laughing and giggling and talking together.
Usually I would get annoyed at this happening at 10:40
at night and everyone should be sleeping.
I was ready to yell at all of them to head to bed
and be QUIET!!!
But I didn't.
I paused, and thought to myself, "I wont be hearing these
voices, those laughs and giggles, for very much longer."


There is a season for everything.
As a young wife and mother, I couldn't see past the
end of the week, sometimes the end of the day.
Diapers, potty training, dishes, 3 meals a day, laundry,
band-aids and stitches and broken bones, teaching, training,
loving, living.
"Lord, get me thru today. just today" was often my prayer.


And then.
I blinked.


And I miss it.


I miss the nightly bath times, braiding my little girls' hair,
snuggling on the couch and reading story books,
sloppy kisses and little arms that wouldn't let go,
little girls twirling thru the living room and landing
in a giggling heap on the floor.
My little blonde haired boy that always wanted a hug and kiss.
Who would tell me about his adventures, snuggled up on
the couch with me.


I am now in a between seasons.
I have another little boy, this one looks like he may have dark hair,
to hug and kiss and snuggle on the couch with. To read stories to.
I still have my Littles who come home and tell me all about their adventures.


I am looking forward to this next season with my love.
To going on adventures with him.
To finally have time for just the 2 of us (if that's even possible).


And its going to come soon enough.


Because


Everyone blinks.