Tuesday, December 30, 2008

finding joy

Sometimes its not a very easy thing, to find joy in every journey. This journey has been hard for me to find joy in.

We have left a wonderful church where we were growing and learning and being convicted on a weekly basis. We are struggling to find the joy in our home church, the focus for God's Work is not easy to see, the fire for God's Word is hard to find... I am finding myself asking God if this is really what He has for us. Is this His plan for us? I know I said I would take what I learned down in BB and bring it home with me.
Yeah~ um, thats easier said than done. See, for anything like that to work, you first have to have people who want change, and they don't. They don't want change, they don't want to be convicted, they don't want to search their lives and hearts to see where Christ is leading them. They don't want to be forced out of their comfort zone. And the reason I know this is because that was me 8 months ago. That was me that was sitting in the pew, making my "to-do" list for the week, writing notes to my hubby, picking apart the sermon, trying to stay awake.
I went thru all the motions of being there, but I wasn't there. I had become so bitter. I refuse to become that person again, to be that bitter person who has just given up. But I have to tell you, its hard not to get sucked back into that cycle of bitterness.
It would be so much easier to just sit back and say, "well, that's just how it is up here, " I don't want to do that this time around, I want to throw myself into this work with my whole being... but yet, I don't. I don't want to put myself out there just to get shot down. I am scared of being the one, the one who comes in and shakes things up, who shakes things up just to leave again. But I am more scared of coming home next time and not having a church to go to.
I am trying to find the joy on this journey home, I may have to dig deeper into myself and into God's Will for my life to find the joy this time. I will keep searching for the joy. If I can't find it, maybe I will have to make it...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Home for the Holidays

Well, for those of you who haven't heard, we are back in MN for an unspecified amount of time. Dennis' build down in Florida still hasn't started and his boss cannot justify continueing to pay his salary, we totally understand were he is coming from, he has already put alot of money into a project that hasn't even started. After getting more details we decided to leave all our summer stuff down there and we left my van down there too, so even if the hotel falls thru (his boss really doesn't think that will happen), we will be heading back down to FL to get the rest of our stuff :)

We decided to make the 28 hour drive home all in one marathon! It was a very long drive! I was so proud of the kids, not one complaint, they played nicely together, no fighting, hard to imagine with 5 kids in a vehicle for 28 hours, but they really do defy the normal :) Dennis was amazing, to drive the whole way! We got to the 694 bypass,saw that sign that said, "St CLoud, 47 miles," and we knew we could make it home! We turned on the AC (hard to fall asleep when you are freezing) and talked and laughed the last 2 hours of the trip :) We pulled in the driveway at 1:50 am :P the kids helped unload the truck and the pillows from the trailer, and then it was time to crash! D and I had hard time falling asleep, everytime we would close our eyes we felt like the room was still moving and swaying :P YUCK!!! I finally got to sleep around 5 am, then woke up a few hours later to 3 inches of snow on the truck and the wind blowing!! God really is good, He kept the storm away until we were safe in out home :)

Dad, Mom and Alan drove up after church and brought dinner! It was very appreciated!! The cupboards were empty and I did not look forward to going to the grocery store in the snow, I know, I know, I'll have to get used to it! But the 90 degree difference in 2 days is kinda hard on one's sytem :)

It was great to be in church Sunday night~ to see some of our friends and church family was a blessing. After getting groceries we drove home in the cold and blustery snow! "Welcome Home!!!"

It has been a very busy week so far, I think we have something going on everyday for the next few weeks!! And Dennis already has some leads on work to keep the $ coming in :) Always a good thing!

I miss our friends in FL, and our church family down there, but it is nice to get their phonecalls everyday :) It's very important to stay in touch with friends, otherwise we lose that closeness, and it makes for some akward silences when you find you have nothing to talk about anymore.
I will cherish the friendships I have made over the last 6 months.

The house is ready for Christmas~ the decorations are up, and I am in the mood to bake goodies :) So my busy week will just be getting busier!!

Well, I had better sign off~ so much to do, so little time to get it all done!!