This is Us

                             ****      This is Us!!     ****

Beans (Shelly), Mouth (Brooke), Me (Shanan), 

Baby Sister (IsaBelle), HH (Dennis), Blue Eyes (Alexis) ,

and Little Brothe(Joseph) in front 
 

We recreated the photo of The Brat Pack in the tree house

a couple years ago

                                                           

          I now go by Mama Two, or "Two",

              as our grandbabies call me.

               And HH is now "Papa!"

     Crazy how things have changed so quickly! 

Shelly is a mom of 2, Deklan and Harlynn and they live in the "big town". Little Harlynn gave us of the scare of our lives when she was born and gave us all a whole new appreciation for the preciousness of life and to live every day to the fullest. Our little Harlynn is doing great now (she's the little girl on my lap in the pic) and has a full, happy life ahead of her. She is the funniest little girl and brings so much JOY to our lives every day! Deklan is in 1st grade and is a grand explorer. He loves to adventure and find treasures, he is always covered in new bandages from his "act first, think later" motto in life! He is my biggest help when it comes to preserving and canning our garden goods.

                                     *******************************************

~PAUSE~

Maybe I should introduce our little Pack! pictured from left to right... we have Christopher and Kassandra, they belong to Alexis and Trevor. Then we have Harlynn and Miles on my lap (those two always fight over me, "MY TWO" is heard, as they push and shove, I'm not hurt by it at all) Harlynn belongs to Shelly and Christian. Miles is Brooke and Mason's middle child. Then we have Oliver and Elijah on Dennis' lap, they are Brooke and Mason's oldest and youngest boys!  We have our Deklan in the front, the oldest of the grandbabies, he belongs to Shelly and Christian also.

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Alexis is married and lives the farthest away (40 minutes! lol) with her husband Trevor and their 2 kids, she does daycare for Brooke's 3 little boys and they love their Titi! Kassandra is in kindergarten, and is total girl, she loves her kitties and wears dresses 24/7.  Christopher loves anything and everything dinosaurs right now! We just celebrated his 3rd birthday last weekend; he is the smartest and sweetest little guy you will ever meet.

Brooke lives a couple miles down the road from us with her husband Mason and 3 little boys. She works in a kitchen with IsaBelle and they do catering on the weekends. Oliver is her oldest, he's 4 now and only knows 1 speed and that is FAST. He talks fast, runs fast, walks fast and sleeps fast. He loves to follow me around the house and talk, we like to say he has a weeks' worth of words to say and he has one day to say it in! Miles is next, he is my birthday buddy born 2 hours too late. I coached him into this world via facetime (stupid covid restrictions), and he is truly my sweet baby. He loves cars and trucks and is the best snuggler. Baby Elijah is the newest grandbaby, and well, he's a baby. He loves eating and sleeping and can get his bouncer chair hopping.  

Joseph truly is following in his father's footsteps and is now a site superintendent and builds gas stations/c stores. He set up a sawmill in our backyard last weekend and is hoping to further his dream of becoming a furniture builder. 

IsaBelle, our baby girl, has struggled with health issues in the last 2 years and we are hoping and praying there will be an end in sight to those struggles soon. She works in the campus kitchen with Brooke and does catering on weekends also. Her and Jospeh rent an apartment together and have since she moved out at 18, always the best of friends, our Littles, and it makes this momma heart happy.

Dennis is still working construction. Away from home again after we had the blessing of him working close enough to home to BE home every weekend, then every night for over almost 2 years! We were able to do so much to our home and property and spent almost every weekend with our Pack and their families! Now him and I are fulfilling our dream of being together, just the two of us, as I travel with him for work! Our Pack is keeping an eye on our house and we are soaking up the moments we get to spend with all of them when we make our way home for an occasional weekend. 

We have always said we are not "dog people" but here we are, with our his and hers mini aussies 😂You have Carl, my almost 2 year old Aussie, he is a little neurotic and anxious and my little buddy.  He's the blue merle in the background of the photo. Then there is Tucker, he belongs to Dennis, and he is just like his human. He is 3 years old and the most mellow Aussie I have ever seen. They go with us and have proven to be amazing travelers and a great reason to get out of apartment and explore our new surroundings. 

                                        
 

Growing in Wisdom and Knowledge

 I went with Dennis to Montana. No more questioning what I needed to do, he needs me with him more than the kids need me in MN, they have each other, he had no one. The kids are taking care of my garden, we will be home every few weeks and I will be canning 24/7 on the weekends I am home! It always takes me a bit to get used to a new thing. Living in a 1-bedroom hotel (I will call it an apartment from here on out, it's better for my mind set) room takes some getting used to for me. I'm used to a whole house to clean and maintain, a yard and garden to keep up with, children and grandchildren to see, so this is an adjustment. It's a good adjustment for me. I am so used to "busy work" that being still has been driving me crazy. 

A friend stated, "goals and busy work are usually for people that can't sit in a room and be alone". That made me pause. Am I so busy that I don't give my Father the undivided attention He and I both need? So the last few days I have dug deep into my Bible. I have a few different studies that I am really enjoying (?). The one has been very convicting. 

Last winter we spent a few weeks searching and finding out what our spiritual gifts are, I was excited and was willing to jump in and use those gifts to serve others at church! Thats as far as it went. You see, I have used past hurts and offenses to build up strongholds in my life, my impenetrable walls have been standing firm, and I have come to the realization that I cannot use the gifts God has given me fully until those walls are finally torn down.

Do I, did I, have reason to be hurt? Yes, I did. It's true that those closest to you will hurt you the deepest. And as a Christ follower, I have found that other believers have hurt me the deepest. And as I have been hurt deeply time and time again, those walls got taller and stronger.   

 We have found a church family that fits and that we LOVE (after 10 years of searching and continuing to be hurt)!  And in true Shanan fashion, I flat out told them that I don't NEED friends (those walls are very very strong and I am very stubborn!). That I don't WANT friends. I was harsh. In hindsight it was probably hurtful to say it so bluntly, I tend to pride myself on my bluntness😖. I explained that I don't mean anything by it, that I enjoy being friendly with others, I actually really enjoy being around other believers, but that is as far as I want it to go. I don't need or want to meet up for coffee, to have others involved in my daily or even weekly life, to open up my heart to, to share my struggles and heartbreaks with or to rejoice with. I don't need them or anyone. Ouch! I knew even at that time that I wrong to think, much less say, these things, but those walls were standing tall and strong!

You may ask if I am still bitter towards those that hurt me so deeply, so many years ago. I am not. You probably don't believe me, and I don't blame you! But you see, I forgave them years ago and feel nothing but love for them and sincerely pray the best for them and their families! And since I no longer felt any bitterness or anger towards them, I figured I was okay to keep those walls up. "Live and learn", "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me", you know, all those sayings, they have strengthened my resolve to not let anyone into my life and heart ever again.

This Bible study on The Bait of Satan is opening my eyes to how wrong I have been in that thinking. I am seeing how Satan has used and is STILL using those past hurts and offenses to enable me to keep my walls strong and firm! And I am figuring out that that is not what my Heavenly Father wants for me, He cannot use me to help build His Kingdom if I'm not willing to tear down these strongholds in my life. If I want all of HIM, I need to give Him ALL of ME. 

So I guess that was a very long-drawn-out way of saying that I am learning to embrace the quiet and stillness, to use this time to focus on learning, to grow in wisdom and knowledge. To build a stronger relationship with my Father and to be fully present with Him. 

Oh, and to spend some quality time with Dennis and finally fulfill that dream of being just the two of us 😊!